Wednesday, November 19, 2014

This Fear

Makes us doubt,
Makes us question,
Makes us loose faith..
in us..
in our own sanity...
in the ones that we love...

You wonder why it makes us go crazy?
Silly me...

Sure God knows the truth,
but..that voice in your heart,
She loves you,
She would never leave and fail you,

Hear it..
Embrace it..

Kuala Lumpur
November 20, 2014

To That Voice

Tell me,
dear lingering negative voices,
Who's life is this?
Last I checked it's mine, not yours.

Just love me just as,
Why do you find it your place to tell me
that I will never be worthy enough...

I have to act and be of a certain way,
I have to look a certain way,
For crying out loud
You... I hear and see you telling me
how to worship God your way...
It has to be your way or the highway..

Fucking stop!
Stop chipping
Stop chirping at me!
No one is perfect,
No one ever will be
I know that..
I embrace that...
I will learn to love that more...

Only God and ONLY GOD
Can judge me,
Don't you dare judge me,
when all I am trying to be ,
is to be and give the best version of me daily
Don't you dare make me doubt ME
because its God's light that created this.
Let me do it on my terms with HIM by my side.. not yours.

Kuala Lumpur
November 20, 2014

Thursday, July 17, 2014


Fly away,
Be happy,
Nothing would make me happier,
Just don't ever hate me
For saying...
For feeling..
For admitting...
I will always be by your side,
That I will always love,
That I will always care,
The reasons will always be there,
What we shared...
Our little moments...
That's my beautiful truth,
That can't be changed,
Forever in my heart,soul and memory,
Won't deny,
Won't fight,
Just don't hate me for it,
Please forgive me....

Kuala Lumpur
July 18, 2014

Sunday, July 6, 2014

Never The Plan

It's so easy …...
The could haves......
Should haves.....
Would haves......
You wonder,
Your ponder,
You cry,
You hurt,
Here comes the pity party for one.

I know I love you,
I know I miss you,
I think of you a lot,
I never wanted to leave,
That was never part my plan
I thought I had my life all planned out.

There is no point looking back
What happened, happened
Life is life...
Some people live their dreams,
Some count blessings,
Its just the way it is,
All in the hands of God,
Even if it seems easy
I know it isn't

You don't know.. You never will...
That's the beauty of life
What do know.
Is what's in front of you and the choices you have to make,
What and how we want to live it and be remembered
That,s more important,
The joy,
The love,
finding it in the smallest things and places,
It's there,
You were never meant to play small but that's where it starts.
With God
it's never ..Have it your way.. know that.....
You are not forsaken.. never was... never will be.....

Kuala Lumpur
July 6 .2014

Saturday, May 3, 2014

I cry

I cry,
For the life I have been given,
For the fact that I have to accept and be grateful for it,
Tho I don't fully understand it.

I cry,
For every hurtful ways,
For every hateful words,
That has to be swallowed,
in the name of blood,
in the name of being filial.

I cry,
for every battle fought,
but feel that life goes around in circles.

I cry,
I know I am only human,
I am a woman,
A woman that would never fully understand,
what it means to carry a child,
What it means to give birth to him or her,

I cry,
At the thought of...
Is there really love out there for me?
The one that said was meant for me,
Thought I found it,
Felt like it was taken from me,
Never got that back,
Then I told myself,
God knows....

I cry,
I don't want to loose hope
I don't want to loose faith
It has been too long,
Could it be more than what this soul can handle?

I cry,
I have been a good person,
tho imperfect,
Why can't I get somethings,
Somethings has got to be right!

Don't I deserve it?
Apparently not!
Maybe later they say,
Be patient,
How long more?
How long more?
How long more?

A mere frail human
trying to understand........

Kuala Lumpur
May 1, 2014

Tuesday, April 22, 2014


Your presence in my life,
It brings out the best in me,
Your presence in my life,
Lets me know and makes me sure
of God's love and mercy,
Sure of life and its beauty,
As much as I hate its complications,
The occasional feeling of one sidedness,
I trust the light that it comes from,
I could never deny it,
leave it,
hate it.

It is what it is,
I blame you for it,
I love you for it,
I allowed myself to feel it,
To fall for it,
I forgive myself for its so called stupidity,
It is what it is.

For as long as God says it is
Till he makes it stop,
Until he takes me and these feelings away,
For as long as you want it to be,
I will be around ,
I will be there.
That soldier,
That lover,
That sister,

Kuala Lumpur
April 18, 2014

Friday, April 4, 2014


Created in divinity,
To be cherished,
To be appreciated,
To be loved,
To be really seen,
You are not a property,
Property to be owned.

Your voice,
Is to be spoken in love,
To be spoken in kind,
To be spoken in laughter,
To be heard,
To be really heard,
To be understood,
Not misunderstood,
Not judged,
Not to be dismissed,
Not to be silenced.

That heart,
To be nurtured,
To feel, deeply feel,
To feel safe,
Its OK to feel and to have an opinion,
To stand up tall,
To stand up strong,
Even if you are only 4 ft 10,
Just to be,
Just to be happy.

Kuala Lumpur
April 4th 2014

Tuesday, March 25, 2014


Wish I didn't feel this way,
But its how I feel,
I see,
I feel,
The lack of joy,
The lack of life,
The lack of love,
The “my way is right” you are “lost”
The conditional love that you have,
The conditional love that you give.

It makes me sick,
I makes me sad,
It makes me angry,
Makes me look at you every morning
with thoughts....
“That;s not me!”
“That's not who I want to be!”
“That's not who I aspire to be!”

I have no real choice in this,
If I want to be the best person and who I need to be.....
Dear God,
I ask you to help me,
Help me out,
Help me get over the hurt,
Let me become …
The daughter,
The sister,
Someone's beautiful,kind, adored , good wife,
Your humble,servant
A great person,

Let me rise,
Let me shine,
The way you meant me to be

Kuala Lumpur
March 26 2014

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

For The Last Time

Let go,
Hurtful behavior,words
They are there,
They may chip away at you,
But you are better than believing that crap thrown at you,
Letting it tear you down
Breaking you,

I refuse to let you do that to yourself,
You may not be perfect,
You've been called names,
Told a million times of whats wrong with you,
How you ought to be,
You are human,
You are allowed to be imperfect,
But know this.......
You are beautiful,
soul and spirit,
Just remember that......

Dust yourself off
Tell yourself
I am here..
I am who I am
I am a good person,
You want to kick me
Maybe you did,
But I rise up.

You lost me,
You are never going to win....
I choose ME
In the name of God and everything that is holy,
I choose love and I choose ME
You can kiss me GOODBYE
I am done,
I am done,
I am done,

Kuala Lumpur
February 19 2014

Sunday, February 16, 2014

Breaking Down

Broke down,
Its not about you..
But somehow that ego of yours,
Made it about you...
Manage to criticize and chip away at my being,
That I don't believe , dress and do things to way you do,
What a bad person I am,

You wonder why I can't talk to you....
I don't feel safe,
Your love...
The one that you claim to have...
They feel conditional,
Your love is conditional,

When I look at you,
Most of the time I think,
I do not want to be like you,
Not this version of you,

I was never good enough then,
I am still less then to you now,

If I am mad....
Hell I am......This shit is done...
Whats stopping me?
I don't even know where to start.
Even if I did....
My soul would stop me...

Damn conscience!!!!
God and faith stopped me..
And still.... I am the bad one....
You can't even remember what I said or did five minutes ago....

If you only knew
the raw words I wish I could say to you,
You don't even really want to hear and see me,

Kuala Lumpur
February 17, 2014

Thursday, February 6, 2014

My Unconditional

Thinking of you,
Always thinking of you
Couldn't be bothered ..
Bothered to tell my heart...
Bothered to tell my mind..
Shut it off!!
Not even going to....
Never made sense... probably never will
But that's OK
I have surrendered to that.

Don't take me for naive,
Don't take me for stupid,
Don't take be for silly,
I know imperfections.....
but,,, in those imperfections
you were always my unconditional,
Always my guiding light,
making me ,
telling me,
wanting me,
Seek and be that better version of you,
as YOU yourself seek that better version of you

There will always be darkness,
You are that light,
You are that rock,
In your arms,
I feel love,
In that heart that millions seek,
In that heart that millions cares,
I am that corner space,
Where I still feel the safest,
I feel my wings,
I feel my joy,
Where I do feel my peace,
I just do.

In the seen or the unseen imperfections,
You are my unconditional,
Eternally will be.

Kuala Lumpur
February 6,2014