Sunday, June 23, 2013

Hazey Smoggy Moments

Looking out
Attempting to work
Mind and heart wonders
Doing the best that I humanly can

I hate it
You know what I hate??
Intellectually understanding,
Emotionally still grasping,

I hate it!
I hate it!
I hate it!

Hate that I love you,
Hate the thought of "are you crazy???"
Can I ?
Will I ever be able to stand happy and proud next to you...
Standing tall next to you in the truth and love of the human lense,
This hearts occasionally doubts
But this heart loves continually
This heart lives in her hopes and dreams

I hate that I never imagine that my life would be this
But, it is what it is.
"But you gotta live in gratitude girl!!"
Hell yeah I do!
But have you also walked in MY SHOES???

I am not Godless,
I am not faithless,
I am not hopeless,

I do not wanna be frozen,

I blame me,
the dreamer,
the faithful,
the hopeful.
Putting my faith in love and God,
For thinking that I deserve everything that is good in my life,
that I deserve to be joyful and happy,

I have been a good person
Done everything by the book with my occasional rules,
Can't I get some love?
Can't I get some break?
Give me understanding,
make me feel...anything but the cold chills

Where is that door?
That's waiting to be NinjaZee kicked
Thats what I seek...

Kuala Lumpur
June 24, 2013