Friday, May 20, 2011

If only I Know

If I know what to do
To make things better
In a heartbeat I would

If I know what I would take
I would
But I don’t….

I am only human

If I know what to do
If I know what to say
To have you in my life
To have your heart
I would in a heartbeat
But I don’t

I am only human

All I have is me
All my tears
All my love
All my heart

Heart that is telling me
To keep keeping on
To keep having faith
In the end it would all work out right
In the end it would all be worth the wait
God..would not forsake

Kuala Lumpur
May 20, 2011

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Zee thoughts

You do have to read the article earlier that got me to writing this.

I am by no means trying to be overly dramatic the fact is I have experienced first hand what it feels like to hurt by unfair judgement based on my racial,ethnic,religious background.

Before leaving for Boston all the first batch accepted by Boston University (B.U) thru the campus here (there were ten of us),we had professors from Boston to prepare us for. We had this English professor that made us do a lot of
free writing ,journalling and what he called dialog book. One of his reasons was to promote connection,understanding that he feels correlates to good, smooth writing.

I never fitted in, no matter how hard I tried. I was learning how not to let it bother me so much slowly. Can't fully remember how the conversation got to the point it did, but it was my turn to have a journal dialog with C. To my sadness and shock I saw the sentences " because of the way you dress, and who you are.. people here think and look at you as a religious fanatic..thats why they do not want to be your friend" This was suppose to be in Malaysia where I was born and I should have been understood and seen in a better light. That was not obviously the case.

I got thru the experience starting to talk with that professor since he was his class . We talked quite a bit and he reinforced the attitude of " you do need to be a part and adapt but not adopt when being in new situations". I had that in me but he reminded me.

About two months into digesting the situation and feelings, I was watching TV, a concert ws showing and NKOTB came on. Donnie came busting out like he always does and the first words out of his mouth was "assalamualaikum" ~ peace be upon you; greetings typical in the Islamic culture.

I was feeling low,sad,bad ,doubting but in that instant looking and hearing Donnie utter that greeting,acknowledging, undeniably felt acceptance,love and pride amongst other things in the beginning. That teenager is reminded thru Donnie of love ,acceptence ,understanding for others and yourself. He was always talking about its about " you are OK despite who what where you come from...stand tall stand strong in YOU". I had more than enough reasons told and given to me to feel negatively..but that was going to stop right there right here and right now.

Fast forward to Boston. Where I found freedom and ease to love,accept,nurture me. I knew negativity would still be there, Ignorance will still be there. I had a dorm mate from Louisville,KY ( I kid you not) that was unfortunately there as part as that lesson. having said that I was more blessed with love,surrounded, meeting people that was OK with me, some even loved me,became "mi familia". They never once made me feel less than worthy, not comfortable being me ( yes even the vertically challenged me) ;). I did not have to anything but do me and I was enough and loved.

Fast forward even further; 2001 back in Malaysia. September 11 happened. I cried. I just knew humanity would change because of it.I reject and dislike people who uses religion and God's name in vain. The God and religion that I know is filled with nothing but love,compassion and understanding. That was destroyed by one man's plan in matter of seconds. Now he is gone but damage is there.Healing needs
to be done. Humanity however needs to want it.

I love America for what it has given me,what It stands for, what it believes. It is my soul home.

Looking at that picture of the graffiti on the Maine Muslim Community Center in Portland, Maine, filled with anger,hatred makes me sad .Makes me wonder Will it ever be OK. What would happen to me when God says that its the right time to be back. I know the last time I walked on the streets of Boston on that whole stretch of Comm.Ave I still felt nothing but joy ,love and gratitude.

May that never change
May love reign
Here is to love and all humanity

May 3 2011