Saturday, October 30, 2010

Not Just Tonight

My love
whats inside
My faith
My believe
My trust
Its not for a moment
Its not just for a day

Its has been there
It is there
It will be there
with me
in me
For you
For me
Its there from the moment I wake up
till the moment I close my eyes

It scares me
I can't deny
But you've been a part of it
But you've been in it
For so long
that I don't care what happens anymore
I don't care whats said anymore
I just trust that voice inside of me
I just trust the divine
thats all I do
You are forever
You are everyday
not just for one night

Tell me to be rid of it
I wouldn't know how
Probably wouldn't even want to
what would I do
what would I be
without my love, my heart my joy, my pain
the one that makes me feel gratitude

Kuala Lumpur
October 30, 2010

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Counting Blessings

The air I breathe
Sun shining its light on me
Moonlight cradling
To another day
Another opportunity to make it right,
another day that love,hope faith floats

Feel the strength in me
The subconciouscan at times wants
to knock you down at times,
Never listen
Know you are bigger , better ,stronger

The love given
The love received
Eternally grateful
The joy
The love
The music
That is in my life

Kuala Lumpur
October 28 2010

Sunday, October 24, 2010


Insanity that is love?
The confusion
The clarity
The truth
The lies
The inbetween
Things we know
Things we don't know
That only God knows

Deepest purest feeling
Deepest darkenest confusion
I must have done something wrong
I must have done something right
I must have done something really right and really wrong
Cuz there you are....
Like the itch that can't,won't twitch
Because of you....

In the name of everything that is holy
In the name of everything that is beautiful and real to me
In the name in everything that is sane,pure and sacred to me
Ever since you walked into my life
It has never been the same
I love it
It drives me crazy
with my two feet firmly grounded
I love and embrace it
forever ..feeling the fool hopelessly devoted to you
Thats OK
Its not OK

Still my beautifully perfectly imperfect

Kuala Lumpur
October 24,2010

Monday, October 18, 2010


They can make you
they can hurt you
But words
its never ever gonna break me
You may try to bring me down

I rise up
I'l show you
I am bigger
I am bigger
I am better
I am stronger

Promise myeself
Lets go of anger
Lets go of the sadness
Lets go of the frustration

It does not matter to them
why should it to me?
My power is with me
no matter what people do or say
Its with me

shining my life
my soul
my spirit

You make it easier
you make it beautiful
you make me strive to be better
Find that love
Find that joy

October 18 2010
Kuala Lumpur

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

My Piece of Heaven On Earth

My Piece of Heaven on Earth

In the shattered pieces of this life that I have come to embrace
A life that God has given me
than I am constantly working on,
that I am a masterpiece
When all I do is have hold on to love faith strength and hope
and dreams of this shattered dreams
You my love,
are my piece of heaven on earth

When giving up
When quitting
When ending things
when darkness sets
You my sunshine,
you are my piece of heaven on earth
that shines,
that lifts me up,
the voice that tells me that I am good enough
I am love
I am worthy
My piece of heaven on earth
that forever makes me strive to be better
that I'll forever love,cherish appreciate and adore

October 13, 2010
Kuala Lumpur

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Making Sense

You know why I love you?
Simply just for you
The spirit,the soul that is you
The words that comes out of you
Makes me believe in me
Makes me believe in you
Makes me believe in what is me and you

All the good that it holds
All the love that it brings
How can I ever deny that
Even till the day it ends
I am still here

You know why I love you?
Even when this masterpiece
is still in progress
You have thru all these years
Always made me want to strive to be a better masterpiece
A better person,
that is me,
thats God's love and creation

For that,
I cannot, not love you
I could, would never ever turn my back on it
Its in the deepest sanest, loving,purest part of my heart
and forever thats where it'd be

Kuala Lumpur
October 11, 2010

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Note to God

Dear God

Let me start by saying that this note is not in anyway is a reflection of my lack of love for you. It is just that I need some help. I need to understand things better.I know and understand your love compassion and the wisdom that things happen for a reason and you do whats right and best for me, that you grow and you learn from anything that happens in your life. That I am very certain and appreciate.

I was never to be born. I was suppose to be just naturally aborted,having this chormosomal Turner Syndrome. I had to deal as a kid with the medical, emotional,mental,physically due to it. You gave me a life. I appreciate it I embrace it, Despite everything, Despite the real late diagnosis, I compensated and rose the best I can.

The best thing you ever gave me was Boston University and me being able to move to Boston,found unconditional love in every sense of the word.In the truest form that I have ever lived and felt. Even that,came with blood,sweat and tears. One thing started to happen after the other, only towards the end that I had really no choice but to be back in Malaysia. Age 30 without a job, no love , having to be back with mum and dad. Yeah I shed tears, I got mad but I embrace it. I thought of a game plan, I look at the opportunity ..I thought of Halfpint. Family were looking at my like I had two heads that I was making a bad choice by going into business etc. but I stood my ground.Before that I visited you at your home in Mecca with my family that year and surrender everything that was me and my life to you. Tears after tears,prayers after prayer. I turned and begged you to hear me and help me out.

Now I am 40 I have got to ask to ask you, since I have not a clue

How do you want me deal with Liza?

How do you want me to deal with Mama and Papa because it does hurt.

I am 40 single. Not because I want to but that what has been willed unto me. Because of Turners I may have been slow on certain things developmentally growing up. As an adult when I felt ready and opened up to a guy had my heart crushed by rejection. Back to the feeling that am I not worth loving. So..where is he?? where is that person for me that you promised??

You showed me,send me gave me that unconditional,loving,warmth,physical feelings in a person thats right there in front of me,thats there but yet I can't touch., near yet far. Can you please tell me how is that fair to me? How is that good for me??

But again I trust in your love...I don't know.. but you do.

I am strong, I am a fighter, I love. Just understand that I am human that I get tired.

I started Halpint, I love and enjoy what I do...thought it was the right thing for me to do, I was fired up and telling myself that "whatever the challanges was I am gonna get thru it", Little did I imagine that the environment that I left has become even more ethnocentric, racist cliquish, cowboy business mentality,social status conscious mentality,third world mentality,money politics,social politics that only got worse over the years. It has not been easy..I have got my dreams to live and I am struggling.

So now you tell me ...what I can or what need to do...