Still

In this still
The still of not knowing
In the not knowingness
I trust that you do
I will know
It will come
It will be revealed
That I will not be forsaken
There will be love
There will be abundance
I am worthy of it


Kuala Lumpur
May 11,2012

Ms Sweetypie Done

Don't blame me if a small part of me is done being "Ms Sweetypie"
and that it has not gotten me anything but being kicked to the ground...
but alas I can only be me ..whatever that maybe ...
and I do live with God and my conscience...
tho at this very moment,
truth be told,
there is a part of me that is so hugely done...


Kuala Lumpur
May 10, 2011

Be Gone

You wonder why I am mad
You wonder why I am acting bitchy
Drowning in sadness

You cut me down
You dismiss me
You insult me
You tell me I am nobody
I can't make it on my own
You don't care
You don't love
You would deny how
Your words have hurt me
I am not fighting for your love anymore


But all I can do is swallow them
because you are blood
I am not made like you
I promise myself
As God as my witness
I am not you
but you keep spewing hurt
You love chipping me into pieces
and I feel that
I see that

God I ask for your love
I ask for your mercy
Help me let go
It has to be better
It has to feel better
show me what you would have me do

Kuala Lumpur
May 4 , 2011

Inner light

Every now and then humanity dissapoints
Every and now then humanity worries and concerns
But
Everynow and then faith hope love strength floats
Love rises
It has too
Not gonna be otherwise
Thats the dream
Thats a choice


Kuala Lumpur
April 8 2012

Love Reality

Love wants to be love
Love wants to be wanted
Love wants to be needed
Love wants to be appreciated

Ego wants to feel important
Ego wants to matter
Ego feels deserving

Heart feels
Heart knows
Reality reminds
Reality tells
You are nothing but a speck in the sea of thousands
Still...
I will always be happy for you
I will always be proud of you
I would never regret you
There..here...
Eternally in love
Eternally in gratitude


Kuala Lumpur
March 20,2012

Someday Sometimes

Sometimes,
I wonder
What would me let you go
What would make me hate you
I can't seem to find the answer
Maybe I don't even want to..


The unconditional things I feel
Its making me sick with each passing year
I do hate one sided relationships
but it is what it is
I don't own you

I hear things
I hear stories
You..
Your Friends
their things
their flings
I know you are you
You are human
Sometimes it doesn't make it any easier
As much as I hate it
As much as I hate myself for thinking it
For feeling it
I see t the beauty
I see the good
I see the loving side
of the perfect imperfect

Not sure if I am wrong
Not sure if I am right
It is what it is

Wish God would help me
God just help me hate you
God just help me let you go
If thats the the best thing for me
Just stay out of my live
You mean so much to me
That its so right
That its so wrong

I don't how to stop loving you..
Maybe I don't even wanna......


March 14, 2012
Kuala Lumpur

Note To Self

Dear Self
Are you OK?

Me?
Am counting blessing
Am smiling
Am living
Am loving

But in my heart
I cry
I give my all
but sometimes it doesn't feel
Doesn't feel that I get what greatness I deserve
That I don't get the love I deserve
I feel sad
Don't know what else to do
I shut off
I surrender
I want

I wish I know what God wanted me to do
I don't ...
I admit..
I roll with the flow
I smile
I do what needs to be done
The best I can
But why.
Why do I feel that I deserve better
missing things...
Don't want that
God's blessings surroundings
I wouldn't be here if God didn't love or didn't want me
I've gotta believe it


Dear self
Smile
Hold on
Have faith
Its takes a whole lot of strength
but you will get there
Where you need to be

I love you
God loves you


Kuala Lumpur
February 8, 2012