Note To Self

Dear Self
Are you OK?

Me?
Am counting blessing
Am smiling
Am living
Am loving

But in my heart
I cry
I give my all
but sometimes it doesn't feel
Doesn't feel that I get what greatness I deserve
That I don't get the love I deserve
I feel sad
Don't know what else to do
I shut off
I surrender
I want

I wish I know what God wanted me to do
I don't ...
I admit..
I roll with the flow
I smile
I do what needs to be done
The best I can
But why.
Why do I feel that I deserve better
missing things...
Don't want that
God's blessings surroundings
I wouldn't be here if God didn't love or didn't want me
I've gotta believe it


Dear self
Smile
Hold on
Have faith
Its takes a whole lot of strength
but you will get there
Where you need to be

I love you
God loves you


Kuala Lumpur
February 8, 2012

Enough

Enough

I snapped
Enough
Enough of your bullshit
Enough of you making me feel small
I have feelings
I have my own voice
I have thoughts
I have to respect yours
So respect mine

I am human
not some property to be owned
To fit into what you want me to be
To make you feel better and happy about yourself
At my expense

I am over it
So over it
I keep saying
I keep telling
Love and respect goes both ways
Don't you cut me down and chip at me that way
I may fall at times
but I will get up
You will not get the best of me


Kuala Lumpur
January 24 2011

Today

Today
I don't know baby
I don't know how
I don't know why
I open my eyes
and all I start thinking about is you
how much I miss you
How much I wanna be home

Tears rolled
I looked and the pictures
They make me smile
It kills me inside
I wish I did not love you so much
I wish my heart did not care
I wish I did not miss things so bad

Kuala Lumpur
re-visted January 24 2012

Surrender to Divinity

All in divine hand
Need a miracle
Working on that miracle
I will see that face again
I will see that smile again
I will feel that hug again
I will feel that love again

But..
If that never ever feel that ever again...
See that face
See that smile
Feel those arms
Feel the love
in person...

Just remember..
I just wanna say
Thank You
Thanks

Thanks for being the love
Thanks for being that sunshine
Just for being you
The imperfect perfect you
For making want to be better
For making me want to do better

Don't think ya heard me said
Thank you
Thank you for that twisted evening at Bickford's
August 27, 1992
For all the rest of my lovely beautiful days
That has you in it
In my heart
On my mind
On my face


August 27 2011
Kuala Lumpur

My Shoes

You are not in my shoes
You don't get it
The feelings I have
The hurt I feel
The joy in my heart
And the tears I shed

Either you really don't care
Or you really don't wanna care
I am just too difficult
I am just too much for you
You dismiss me
Tho I am blood
I should not have to hear those words

God help me
I am not gonna say its OK
I have to forgive you
You can only love as you have been loved
And I know its not much

The tears I shed
The hurt I feel
The joy I feel
It is all in God's hand
I am in his hands
Because there is nothing else I know
Because there is is no better place for me to be

November 12, 2011
Kuala Lumpur

Your All

Cry
Scream
if you want to
If you have to
Let it all out

Even if it hurts
Even it it bleeds
You are love
You are beautiful

Be strong
Be tough
Hold on to love
Hold on to faith
Hold on to trust
You have everything you need
Right there with you



Kuala Lumpur
October 12, 2011

Awake

Wake me up
I don't wanna sleep

Kiss me
Bring me back to life

Hold me
Feel like I am falling

Don't want you to see see me
Feeling the way I do
Feeling battered

Give me hope
Don't wanna give up
Am digging deep

God
In you I trust
in all my imperfections
I trust that you will not forsake me
That you will take good care of me


Kuala Lumpur
October 11, 2011