Be Gone

You wonder why I am mad
You wonder why I am acting bitchy
Drowning in sadness

You cut me down
You dismiss me
You insult me
You tell me I am nobody
I can't make it on my own
You don't care
You don't love
You would deny how
Your words have hurt me
I am not fighting for your love anymore


But all I can do is swallow them
because you are blood
I am not made like you
I promise myself
As God as my witness
I am not you
but you keep spewing hurt
You love chipping me into pieces
and I feel that
I see that

God I ask for your love
I ask for your mercy
Help me let go
It has to be better
It has to feel better
show me what you would have me do

Kuala Lumpur
May 4 , 2011

Inner light

Every now and then humanity dissapoints
Every and now then humanity worries and concerns
But
Everynow and then faith hope love strength floats
Love rises
It has too
Not gonna be otherwise
Thats the dream
Thats a choice


Kuala Lumpur
April 8 2012

Love Reality

Love wants to be love
Love wants to be wanted
Love wants to be needed
Love wants to be appreciated

Ego wants to feel important
Ego wants to matter
Ego feels deserving

Heart feels
Heart knows
Reality reminds
Reality tells
You are nothing but a speck in the sea of thousands
Still...
I will always be happy for you
I will always be proud of you
I would never regret you
There..here...
Eternally in love
Eternally in gratitude


Kuala Lumpur
March 20,2012

Someday Sometimes

Sometimes,
I wonder
What would me let you go
What would make me hate you
I can't seem to find the answer
Maybe I don't even want to..


The unconditional things I feel
Its making me sick with each passing year
I do hate one sided relationships
but it is what it is
I don't own you

I hear things
I hear stories
You..
Your Friends
their things
their flings
I know you are you
You are human
Sometimes it doesn't make it any easier
As much as I hate it
As much as I hate myself for thinking it
For feeling it
I see t the beauty
I see the good
I see the loving side
of the perfect imperfect

Not sure if I am wrong
Not sure if I am right
It is what it is

Wish God would help me
God just help me hate you
God just help me let you go
If thats the the best thing for me
Just stay out of my live
You mean so much to me
That its so right
That its so wrong

I don't how to stop loving you..
Maybe I don't even wanna......


March 14, 2012
Kuala Lumpur

Note To Self

Dear Self
Are you OK?

Me?
Am counting blessing
Am smiling
Am living
Am loving

But in my heart
I cry
I give my all
but sometimes it doesn't feel
Doesn't feel that I get what greatness I deserve
That I don't get the love I deserve
I feel sad
Don't know what else to do
I shut off
I surrender
I want

I wish I know what God wanted me to do
I don't ...
I admit..
I roll with the flow
I smile
I do what needs to be done
The best I can
But why.
Why do I feel that I deserve better
missing things...
Don't want that
God's blessings surroundings
I wouldn't be here if God didn't love or didn't want me
I've gotta believe it


Dear self
Smile
Hold on
Have faith
Its takes a whole lot of strength
but you will get there
Where you need to be

I love you
God loves you


Kuala Lumpur
February 8, 2012

Enough

Enough

I snapped
Enough
Enough of your bullshit
Enough of you making me feel small
I have feelings
I have my own voice
I have thoughts
I have to respect yours
So respect mine

I am human
not some property to be owned
To fit into what you want me to be
To make you feel better and happy about yourself
At my expense

I am over it
So over it
I keep saying
I keep telling
Love and respect goes both ways
Don't you cut me down and chip at me that way
I may fall at times
but I will get up
You will not get the best of me


Kuala Lumpur
January 24 2011

Today

Today
I don't know baby
I don't know how
I don't know why
I open my eyes
and all I start thinking about is you
how much I miss you
How much I wanna be home

Tears rolled
I looked and the pictures
They make me smile
It kills me inside
I wish I did not love you so much
I wish my heart did not care
I wish I did not miss things so bad

Kuala Lumpur
re-visted January 24 2012