Presence

Your presence in my life,
It brings out the best in me,
Your presence in my life,
Lets me know and makes me sure
of God's love and mercy,
Sure of life and its beauty,
As much as I hate its complications,
The occasional feeling of one sidedness,
I trust the light that it comes from,
I could never deny it,
leave it,
hate it.

It is what it is,
I blame you for it,
I love you for it,
I allowed myself to feel it,
To fall for it,
I forgive myself for its so called stupidity,
It is what it is.

For as long as God says it is
Till he makes it stop,
Until he takes me and these feelings away,
For as long as you want it to be,
I will be around ,
I will be there.
That soldier,
That lover,
That sister,


Kuala Lumpur
April 18, 2014

YOU

You.
Beautiful,
Created in divinity,
To be cherished,
To be appreciated,
To be loved,
To be really seen,
You are not a property,
Property to be owned.

You,
Your voice,
Is to be spoken in love,
To be spoken in kind,
To be spoken in laughter,
To be heard,
To be really heard,
To be understood,
Not misunderstood,
Not judged,
Not to be dismissed,
Not to be silenced.

You,
That heart,
To be nurtured,
To feel, deeply feel,
You,
To feel safe,
Its OK to feel and to have an opinion,
To stand up tall,
To stand up strong,
Even if you are only 4 ft 10,
You,
Just to be,
Just to be happy.


Kuala Lumpur
April 4th 2014

Disapear

Wish I didn't feel this way,
But its how I feel,
I see,
I feel,
The lack of joy,
The lack of life,
The lack of love,
The “my way is right” you are “lost”
The conditional love that you have,
The conditional love that you give.

It makes me sick,
I makes me sad,
It makes me angry,
Makes me look at you every morning
with thoughts....
“That;s not me!”
“That's not who I want to be!”
“That's not who I aspire to be!”

I have no real choice in this,
If I want to be the best person and who I need to be.....
Dear God,
I ask you to help me,
Help me out,
Help me get over the hurt,
Let me become …
The daughter,
The sister,
Someone's beautiful,kind, adored , good wife,
Your humble,servant
A great person,

Let me rise,
Let me shine,
The way you meant me to be

Kuala Lumpur
March 26 2014

For The Last Time

Let go,
Tears,
Anger,
Hurtful behavior,words
They are there,
They may chip away at you,
But you are better than believing that crap thrown at you,
Letting it tear you down
Breaking you,

I refuse to let you do that to yourself,
You may not be perfect,
You've been called names,
Told a million times of whats wrong with you,
How you ought to be,
You are human,
You are allowed to be imperfect,
But know this.......
You are beautiful,
soul and spirit,
Just remember that......

Dust yourself off
Tell yourself
I am here..
I am who I am
I am a good person,
You want to kick me
Maybe you did,
But I rise up.

You lost me,
You are never going to win....
I choose ME
In the name of God and everything that is holy,
I choose love and I choose ME
You can kiss me GOODBYE
I am done,
I am done,
I am done,


Kuala Lumpur
February 19 2014

Breaking Down

Broke down,
Its not about you..
But somehow that ego of yours,
Made it about you...
Manage to criticize and chip away at my being,
That I don't believe , dress and do things to way you do,
What a bad person I am,

You wonder why I can't talk to you....
I don't feel safe,
Your love...
The one that you claim to have...
They feel conditional,
Your love is conditional,

When I look at you,
Most of the time I think,
I do not want to be like you,
Not this version of you,

I was never good enough then,
I am still less then to you now,


If I am mad....
Hell I am......This shit is done...
Whats stopping me?
I don't even know where to start.
Even if I did....
My soul would stop me...

Damn conscience!!!!
God and faith stopped me..
And still.... I am the bad one....
You can't even remember what I said or did five minutes ago....

If you only knew
the raw words I wish I could say to you,
You don't even really want to hear and see me,
and THAT'S THE TRUTH!


Kuala Lumpur
February 17, 2014

My Unconditional

Thinking of you,
Always thinking of you
Couldn't be bothered ..
Bothered to tell my heart...
Bothered to tell my mind..
Shut it off!!
Not even going to....
Never made sense... probably never will
But that's OK
I have surrendered to that.

Don't take me for naive,
Don't take me for stupid,
Don't take be for silly,
I know imperfections.....
but,,, in those imperfections
you were always my unconditional,
Always my guiding light,
making me ,
telling me,
wanting me,
Seek and be that better version of you,
as YOU yourself seek that better version of you

There will always be darkness,
You are that light,
You are that rock,
In your arms,
I feel love,
In that heart that millions seek,
In that heart that millions cares,
I am that corner space,
Where I still feel the safest,
I feel my wings,
I feel my joy,
Where I do feel my peace,
I just do.

In the seen or the unseen imperfections,
You are my unconditional,
Eternally will be.

Kuala Lumpur
February 6,2014

Leo Light

You make me feel like I am something,
That I might just be someone special,
even for few path crossing moments through out the years
For making me believe in everything that is love,
that is good,
that is strong,
I realize, I am insignificant
On the scale of things..I know who I am...
A drop.. a small tiny insignificant drop....
Tho... I know I am worthy....
For those feelings
For those moments
For lessons learned
I am eternally grateful
Thank you
Love you

Kuala Lumpur
November 1, 2013