My Lost Prince

May you find this,
I know you are out there
but,
You are lost.
You took a detour,
The longer route getting home

With or without you
I will be great,
God always has his love ,protection and mercy,
I won't be forsaken,
I won't be miserable

Do what it is that you need to do,
To be or find whatever it is you are seeking
As I am seeking mine,
Your home in my heart will always be here

I am not letting my life run by the waiting
run by longing,
If you are gonna be home
Come home,
the light at that porch...
was never turned out

See it..
Follow it..
It'll lead you back,
Where you belong

Meanwhile...
I am me..
My lost Prince...

Kuala Lumpur
May 2, 2013

"Love Lettah To Bahstan"

Dear Boston and the wonderful people,loves and memories that has crossed my path.

You have been dealing with quite a lot these past few days and my mind has calmed somewhat to which I can write this in your honor ,in the name of everything that is lovely and wonderful to me that you are , my soul home.

I was born in Kuala Lumpur ,Malaysia. Truth of the matter is I always felt wrong ,not quite fit in right. I somehow dreamed and always knew that there were bigger, better things out that for me. Life after high school brought me to Boston University. I have known (more or less)about the city, the history, the heritage. That young , stubborn, insecure, strong willed , a little awkward , wallflower of a girl, barely grown. It was divine intervention that even made that dream possible. Did not take that girl long..to feel she was at home, she knew she loved you (probably even before she met you). She lived, loved, paid her growing up dues, made her share of mistakes in your arms. Boston is not huge like any major cities that could potentially eat you up,instead its able to love and embrace but not small enough that one might feel stifled.

You taught that about self love,friendships,differences acceptance, of others, being not only book smart, street smart, building that inner strength, compassionate ,you taught her about “hangin' tough” and yes parts of her were made of the ”right stuff”. She always had that in her ,but,you,dear Boston, made her feel safe to be who she is and expressing it. Every bit what home should be and feel like. You were that, with every step that she took, every breath that was given. She belonged. She was more than alright.

From that young girl to who I am at this point, the paths that crossed, lessons learned ,things lost and found, I am eternally grateful and indebted to you. Words don't do justice but I am sending you my love and prayers. My heart aches, my heart breaks. I however know you are love, you are strong...this will not bring you down . You will rise back , stronger and better than ever. I trust. I believe. Boston... you will always have my heart and soul. You are my home, where my soul and being is in peace. In the name of God and everything that is great,loving ,peaceful in this world AMEN, AMEEN .

How Be That Heart

How be that heart
Furious …
Tears flowing.....
Longing......
Loving.....

Trying to dig in
Understanding
Holding on to gratitude
Wanting.being, love
Holding on hope,faith,strength
Still waiting...
Still wondering

Am I the biggest fool?
Am I the biggest looser of a dreamer?
But..
You are who you are..don't deny that!!
Hold on to hope..you say...
Hold on to faith you say....
You are where you are suppose to be you say..

Tell me..after you know what I have and am going thru

Why is my damn lessons so long....
What am I not getting....
I need to push thru
But what am I pushing ???
I can't even see any doors even tilting....even cracking...
My head and my heart bruised

Tell me again

I am abundant
I am love
I am enough
I am divinely protected

I need to hear
I need to feel


February 27 ,2013
Kuala Lumpur

Speak Love to Me

You make me feel
Honored..
Loved...
Accepted...
Appreciated....
That I do matter...
Strong...
Safe....
That makes just wanna give more and be more...
Special and beautiful....
Happy........

That's validation........
I don't have to be right all the time,
Tho, there might be days that I am …..
Just acknowledge me
What I say..
What good I do,
How I feel,
Hear me out.....

Baby..
You don't complete me..
You affirm me,
I affirm you,
My love...
My feelings...
What you do..
Who you are to me.....
That is where it all stems from.......
Hope you know that....
Hope you would remember …...



Kuala Lumpur
February 13, 2013

Clouds

Deal with reality you say,
Get you heads out of the clouds you say,
You don't know my reality,
You don't know what I go thru,
You don't know what I have to deal with,
Each of us have our own story,
Even you......
I accept that
Why does it not feel like you do?


Its those clouds that cushions me,
Cushions everything that wounds,
Its those clouds that helps lift me up,
When no one else would,
When no one else cared,
When I am on it,
It makes me see more,
Shows me what needs to be done.


Be in your cold,sarcastic bubble,
Just don't taint my clouds,
Its those clouds that makes me me
You make think other wise
but it is what it is,
I am OK.
I will be even better.


Kuala Lumpur
January 31, 2013

Light Searching

Lowlights,
Highlights,
Sunshine,
Moonshine,
Missing you,
Wondering,
Praying.

Wishing things were different,
Grateful that they even exist,

Turn around you see....
There is love,
Look .......
There is abundance,
You wonder....
Will it even be mine?
But..
You tell yourself
Have faith!
You got to believe!
Don't be silly!

You know it will,
but you still wonder .....
Got to shut that voice up!


Kuala Lumpur
December 23, 2012

Not Here, ,Not Now

My fear
The longer I am here
The further away I am......
From You...
From Love....
From who I am …
To see what I need to see..
To be where I need to be...

Its taking its own time,
Far too long...
God has his reasons....


Getting harder to feel the love,
How can you keep it,
or can you even hold on to it ,
Takes to much strength,
Questioning..
Do I even have it..
I know what the damn answer is....


Feel I am drifting away,
Feel that you are drifting away
It's not what I want
Not goodbye
Hard to let go..
The one shining love ,light in your life,
Don't wanna lose Me...


It might just be the whispers of sadness talking,
I surrender everything,
I know for sure..I don't have all the answers...
Only God does.
My faith is tested..sometimes it is weaning....
I am only human..
But...
Love will never leave the spirit that is me.....


Kuala Lumpur
December 1, 2012