What I Want

I tell you what I want
To be that shoulder
Knowing that I am not stupid
Knowing that I am not naive
To know that you are not you are not faking it,
For you to see me as me
as good person that I am
I just want to see,want to know the real you

Baby ...
You are not up there
And I am not down here
If we can 't meet each other half way
God help me,
Help me understand
If it needs to be over
Shouldn't it be over
But..Its not

I'd much rather let you go ..
in love
than be this way...
Would I ever know the truth
You've been in my life for far too long
for it to be this way
For me to feel this way

My love eternal
patience tested
Till the last drop


Kuala Lumpur
August 24, 2011

Thank You

Dear God I thank you
I thank you for this screwed up life you have given me
I thank you

I was not suppose to be born
but here I am anyways...
broken inside
I thank you

You send me them
I live in love
I am belittled
I am different
I am weird
They make me feel small
They don't see me
They don't respect me
I am not me....
and they expect me to love and respect them
Thank you God


Thank you for the hurt
Thank you for the anger
Thank you for the sadness,tears
Thank you for the frustration

Thank you for sending me to my love and joy and taking it back from me
Thank you for sending me, and making me feel the love and only to be told I can never have it... only in my dreams

Thank you
And now little 'ol me is expected to hold on to love faith and hope
when all I am surrounded with is chains and limitations
Thank you

Now you can have back this life you have given me
I thank you

Kuala Lumpur
August 17, 2011

The Only Thing Thats Real

Dear real love,
In this rumble,
In this solitude
I thank you

I am letting you know
I am here
I am ready
Ready to surrender
Ready to receive
What is real
what that is love
what that is understanding,compassionate and nuturing


I am love
I surround myself with love
I am worthy
Anything less than joyful
Anything less that oness with you my higher power
Does not belong here

God... I return that to you


Kuala Lumpur
August 6, 2011

In my soul

With every fiber of my being
With every fiber of my soul
I feel hope
I feel strength

With every fiber of my being
With every fiber of my soul
I do feel blessed
Moments of love wraps me
Warms my heart
Warms my soul

I can never deny that
I can never push that away
Thats what feeds me
Thats what gives me joy
How can it not be part of me?
It forever will be



Kuala Lumpur
July 12, 2011

All On You Not Me

I ask for love
I ask for mercy
I ask for compassion
I ask for peace
That is all


Make me smile
Make me smirk
Go ahead
take me for weak
take me for stupid
go ahead
Underestimate me
lets see who is gonna have the last laugh

Your thoughts
Your responsibility
Its not on me
Its on you..

I just have to remember to find that love and strength in me, for me
Remember I am worth it
Everything wonderful, beautiful,great and blessed that live has to offer me


I am walking away
Not buying your shit


Kuala Lumpur
July 12, 2011

Hearts Don't Think

Hearts don't think,
they feel...
so..I was told

You...
After all these years
part of me.....
loving.....
caring.....
thinking.....


Is this all real?
Hell... it is
No..its not
Is my heart in the right place?
Is my love in the right place
I am too smart to be fooled....
oooh...the dichotomy....


Are you acting?
ooooh soooo good.....
Yes.. you are
No.. you are not
Maybe a mistake
But maybe you are my beautiful mistake
Would never change a thing


I don't know much
But ...
I love and trust God
I love and trust me
I trust and love whats sent my way
so.. I love and trust you
Thats all I need to know

Kuala Lumpur
June 23, 2011

Dejection

Walking that stage
sea of faces
Gonna tell that story for that competition
She was not afraid


It was her turn
She took her place
She started

She was stopped
She saw head turning
She heard loud rumbles



Boo boo
Boo boo
Get her off that stage!!
Get her off that stage
We don't like the way she speaks
Its funny
Its awful
who does she think she is???


Tears came running
She felt humiliated
She felt embarassed
She went running off that stage
She went off crying in the bathroom
Sobbing,
like she has never sobbed before
Tho lord knows she has cried her tears


She held on tight
what else was she suppose to do
She cried
Held out
Hurt yeah
but marched on.......



Kuala Lumpur
June 7 2011