It's Not You Anymore

I remember that little girl,

She told you she loved you,

She told you she needed you,

She said she needed more time with you,

She told you how she felt,

You mocked her, , said all this childish silliness,

Never once did you acknowledge how that little girl felt


Never did she blame you,

She knew you only did what you knew how to,

You loved her the little that you knew,


She is done,

Not caring much anymore,

Done with not feeling not worthy,

Done searching what it means to feel love and safe,

Done asking you for that...

You don't have her heart anymore,

She knows....

You only did and know what you know....

You hurt her,

She is healing

It's not you anymore

It's her.. It's God

She get's mad sometimes,

She trust God enough to not forsake her...

Kuala Lumpur
March 7, 2015

Wish you'd listen.....

Wish you know..and you do...
How much I dispice your arrogance
Your absolute need to be dominant and right
Your words cut
Your words hurt
You dish it out
..you can't take when it's given to you...

God knows..
I spend my whole life
I try to be loving
I try to be positive
I am drained
I am all out of that good shit for you

I can't get thru a fucking cold soul like you,
The.. I really don't give a fuck about anything really..
YOU said those words to me...
You act act and feel like you are the queen,

If you hear this words..
It's me that's going be in that ditch,
You know how empty that makes me feel?????

Kuala Lumpur
January 14, 2015

This Fear

Fear..
Makes us doubt,
Makes us question,
Makes us loose faith..
in us..
in our own sanity...
in the ones that we love...

You wonder why it makes us go crazy?
Silly me...

Sure God knows the truth,
but..that voice in your heart,
She loves you,
She would never leave and fail you,

Trust..
Believe...
Hear it..
Embrace it..

Kuala Lumpur
November 20, 2014

To That Voice

Tell me,
dear lingering negative voices,
Who's life is this?
Last I checked it's mine, not yours.

Just love me just as,
Why?...
Why do you find it your place to tell me
that I will never be worthy enough...

I have to act and be of a certain way,
I have to look a certain way,
For crying out loud
You... I hear and see you telling me
how to worship God your way...
It has to be your way or the highway..

Fucking stop!
Stop chipping
Stop chirping at me!
No one is perfect,
No one ever will be
I know that..
I embrace that...
I will learn to love that more...

Only God and ONLY GOD
Can judge me,
Don't you dare judge me,
when all I am trying to be ,
is to be and give the best version of me daily
Don't you dare make me doubt ME
because its God's light that created this.
Let me do it on my terms with HIM by my side.. not yours.


Kuala Lumpur
November 20, 2014

Still

Fly away,
Be happy,
Nothing would make me happier,
Just don't ever hate me
For saying...
For feeling..
For admitting...
I will always be by your side,
That I will always love,
That I will always care,
The reasons will always be there,
What we shared...
Our little moments...
That's my beautiful truth,
That can't be changed,
Forever in my heart,soul and memory,
Won't deny,
Won't fight,
Just don't hate me for it,
Please forgive me....

Kuala Lumpur
July 18, 2014

Never The Plan

It's so easy …...
The could haves......
Should haves.....
Would haves......
You wonder,
Your ponder,
You cry,
You hurt,
Here comes the pity party for one.

I know I love you,
I know I miss you,
I think of you a lot,
I never wanted to leave,
That was never part my plan
I thought I had my life all planned out.

There is no point looking back
What happened, happened
Life is life...
Some people live their dreams,
Some count blessings,
Its just the way it is,
All in the hands of God,
Even if it seems easy
I know it isn't

You don't know.. You never will...
That's the beauty of life
What do know.
Is what's in front of you and the choices you have to make,
What and how we want to live it and be remembered
That,s more important,
The joy,
The love,
finding it in the smallest things and places,
It's there,
You were never meant to play small but that's where it starts.
With God
it's never ..Have it your way.. know that.....
Trust...
You are not forsaken.. never was... never will be.....

Kuala Lumpur
July 6 .2014

I cry

I cry,
For the life I have been given,
For the fact that I have to accept and be grateful for it,
Tho I don't fully understand it.

I cry,
For every hurtful ways,
For every hateful words,
That has to be swallowed,
in the name of blood,
in the name of being filial.

I cry,
for every battle fought,
but feel that life goes around in circles.

I cry,
I know I am only human,
I am a woman,
A woman that would never fully understand,
what it means to carry a child,
What it means to give birth to him or her,

I cry,
At the thought of...
Is there really love out there for me?
The one that said was meant for me,
Thought I found it,
Felt like it was taken from me,
Never got that back,
Then I told myself,
God knows....

I cry,
I don't want to loose hope
I don't want to loose faith
It has been too long,
Could it be more than what this soul can handle?

I cry,
I have been a good person,
tho imperfect,
Why can't I get somethings,
Somethings has got to be right!

Don't I deserve it?
Apparently not!
Maybe later they say,
Be patient,
How long more?
How long more?
How long more?


A mere frail human
trying to understand........

Kuala Lumpur
May 1, 2014